Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
