A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
