I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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