So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
