plz talk dirty to me
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
