Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
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