I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize