youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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