Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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