Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
this is an emotional support booty call
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
