standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
bring money and cleavage
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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