thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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