I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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