forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Randomize
