I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
