just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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