she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
