I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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