Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
