Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So vagazzling was a success
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
