Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
