Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
