this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
