I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I need water and some morals
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
