I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
