Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
