Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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