I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
