i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
