I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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