Nicole vs. Life
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
