i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
