Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
