I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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