Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
