Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
