Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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