the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
