chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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