i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
