Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize