My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
