I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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