My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
