I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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