genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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