I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Terrible idea I love it
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
