I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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