Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
