I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
