Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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