just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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