I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
