Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm both gender and math confused
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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