I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I understand Curling. That high.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize