Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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