Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize