I like to think it a success when the cops are called
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The power of my boobs compel you
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
