Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
