I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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