At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
