I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I miss vodka workout Fridays
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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