All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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