In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
