this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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