Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
