if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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