come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
