I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize