john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
