I look better un-naked...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
