and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude i'm inner monologue high
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
