my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm getting married
To pizza
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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