I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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