My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
