woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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