Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
