I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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