They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
