You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
