Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
